Hermione Jane Granger

Mr Lupin, I saw what you wrote to Mrs Longbottom.

This is one of those times where we're supposed to be happy for people but it's not really all that simple, is it?

I mean, if it makes Terry happy then that's a good thing, I guess. And if it makes the Longbottoms happy then there's no harm in it, surely.

So why do I feel...not happy? I don't know what else to call it. I'm not cross; I'm not upset by it (though...is Sirius a little upset? He seemed a bit, I dunno, false when we were talking about it over breakfast--like he's trying to convince himself that he's happy for them?); anyway, I'm not upset; I'm not jealous or anything like that. (But I wonder if any of the other Moddey children are? I wouldn't be surprised, and I wouldn't blame them if they were.)

I suppose I'm a little puzzled, and a bit...I don't know. I think it's clear that Terry's trying to find a sense of belonging. I mean, that's why he left Moddey for Sherwood, and that's why he's joined the Zulu companies. That's probably why he's doing this, too. And I'm glad that the Longbottoms are so willing to call him one of their own, but I have a feeling that this isn't going to fulfill him any better than anything else.

And I guess that makes me feel really sorry for him. And hate that Carrow did that to him, but that doesn't help, Carrow's dead and the damage was done long before he died, anyway. I guess I just wish Terry didn't need so badly. It makes me wonder if he'll ever really, really be happy, because he keeps looking for his happiness outside of himself.

Thank you for the carving.

Isn't it odd to think that we have more privacy on the Order Lock or the ISS one than most of the school has with Madam Umbridge calling them all on the carpet for posting private messages?

It's strange that people grew so used to using them so quickly. I think that must mean that people have more secrets than we might guess, or at least things they want to keep to themselves.

Do you think Sirius will get the other sets of buttons soon? The ones for the muggles in the camps, I mean. I think we should maybe start coming up with things for him to say on them, though I don't know if that's the best way to use them, maybe those shouldn't be like the Galleons and instead they should have useful information like Mr Snape was trying to give them in his posts. Only obviously he's got far too much to say on a button, even if it is in code. Maybe especially.

Are you still thinking about leaving? I'm sorry I haven't been around to talk much, but Harry and Draco especially have had things to work on that are really interesting. I think Draco might be coming round to think muggleborns aren't so bad, actually. He gave me a nift Transfigurations textbook and another on Arithmancy. For Christmas, you know. He wouldn't have done if he'd thought I shouldn't be learning about magic. He certainly wouldn't have given me his project to work on. I don't think he's quite ready to learn about the lock, or that you and I have wands. Maybe soon, though.

Only I feel badly about not telling Harry because the longer we leave him out, the harder it'll be to tell him about it. Only I know he'll want to include Draco straightaway, and he won't probably listen if I explain why it's not a good idea. You know they're practically brothers, so it's not hard to understand why he only wants to think the best of him.

Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to go on so long. We really haven't talked in forever, not like we used to when you were here. I just hope you don't go without telling anyone first. I don't think they'd tell you not to go, if you really wanted to leave. But it wouldn't be right to leave without giving them the chance to make things better.

Anyway, really I just wanted to thank you for the present and ask how you are, and tell you I do miss you, even if I don't say so very often.

Love from,

Hermione