Order Only: Private Message to Draco

[alt_hermione]

I just wanted to say this here, so you can look at it later: It's all right to feel however you feel. I know you cared about her and it's okay. I'm here for you. And I'm not going anywhere.

I mean, unless you want me to. But--well, you know what I mean. I shan't get jealous or anything stupid like that. I shan't blame you for grieving and I shan't get frustrated if you don't feel better on some artificial schedule. Feel however you feel.

Comments

[alt_draco]

I cared about her, but never the way she wanted me to. Maybe I feel guilty about that. But you can't just make yourself-

You know what she told me? She told me that she liked the fact that Crouch had chosen her, because it made her feel special. And that she had chosen once, too, but that the men she'd chosen never chose her back.

She meant Ron, and she meant me.

She wasn't being accusatory, or anything. Just stating the facts.

It's not that I wish it could have been different, I just wish that this hadn't happened.

[alt_hermione]

Justin said he felt like we should have been able to prevent it. Maybe if someone had literally thrown her over a shoulder and carried her off, but even then.

You saw what they said about the wedding. That belt. Crouch chose her, all right, but he saw her as a possession. I wish she'd understood that and hadn't taken it to mean real devotion. It's not real, not like that. What she wanted from you, what she thought she was getting in Crouch--I hate to say it but you couldn't have given her that even if you wanted to, because you couldn't treat her like an object. And she couldn't see herself as anything but.

And that's the real tragedy, because she was so much more than a plaything.

[alt_draco]

I don't know. Part of me wonders if she liked me and Ron precisely because we didn't treat her that way, and not because there was anything special about either of us. But I don't think she thought she'd ever find someone who respected her and also wanted to be with her, romantically. So she decided she'd see to it that she was chosen by one of the most impressive wizards in the Protectorate.

Which - yeah, it's just sad.

You know, she was the only one who ever saw that "love letter" I wrote to you. Well, thought I was writing to you; it was actually Teddy who ended up with it, since he was setting me up. Did she ever tell you what it said?

[alt_hermione]

Well, you fancied me because I didn't treat you as Merlin's gift to wizardom, so, possibly. Do I puff up your ego now? Poor Daphne, she was just impatient.

And--no, I never saw it. Was there anything you've never told me yourself?

[alt_draco]

You absolutely puff up my ego. Every day I wake up unable to fathom my good fortune that such a brilliant, beautiful witch allows me to breathe the same air as her. Oh praise Merlin, indeed.

And you'd probably cry with laughter to see that letter now. It was sincere but quite self-important, and full of stuff about how I didn't want us to be together until I finally deserved you, etc. So in that way I'm glad, I suppose, she never divulged the contents. But I can imagine her finding them quite moving. You know, for all the wrong reasons.

Thank you for saying I can feel however I feel.

Right now I feel like crawling off to bed and laying next to you.

[alt_hermione]

Oh, well, all right, then.