Private Message to Harry Marvolo

[alt_hermione]

Look, you can't avoid me forever, I mean we practically live together, and—

Look, I want you to know that I care an awful lot, alright? I mean, I know that you're sure things are your fault, and I know some people probably think so too, and maybe it's true but if it is it's the kind of your fault that isn't really—because you didn't ask to have the father you have. I mean that sometimes our actions cause something to happen and that's true, but we don't really get to blame ourselves, like me with my parents and everything.

I just mean, you told me that I couldn't blame myself for what happened to my mum and dad, and if that was true, you've got to stop blaming yourself, alright?

Comments

[alt_harry]

sorry.

I just

I didn't know what to say, I guess.

I thought it was just the three people and that was bad enough, but after they started laying all those wreaths down and I knew it was all those other people too

and Charles and Darius. I mean. He killed their dad. Right in front of them.

So yeah.

I tried talking about it with Raz, about what I could do to stop it from happening next time, because we talked and he said what I wrote might've made it worse even, and he was sort of

he didn't know. Not really. I mean, we talked a bit about how he doesn't like it when people beg, but he doesn't like it when people are disrespectful either, and when he's angry, pretty much everyone just waits til its over because if they say anything it makes things worse.

So I shouldn't have said anything I guess. Which is something else I did wrong.

And I guess I didn't say anything to you because I might've made it worse for you by writing what I did and it just seems like whatever I try is just the opposite of what I ought to do so I don't know why I even bother trying at all. and the whole point was to not get you and Draco in trouble any more but I can't even do that.

And I don't want to hurt you.

I don't.

It's the last thing I want to do.

And I still have to do it.

And it makes me sick thinking about it.

And I don't know if you'll get extra punishment because of what happened this weekend, or if Draco will, but that'll be my fault too.

[alt_harry]

and I can't bloody do anything about it because I've just got to sit there and take it or it'll be that much worse.

I can't do anything. I can't ask them to punish me instead, because that's how they punish me, by punishing you, because they know that's worse.

And I can't do what we'd planned with Draco, because I don't want him angry with me like that again.

Draco says he was angry before the task started.

Raz says I didn't do anything wrong.

But I made everything worse. Even though I was trying so hard not to.

[alt_harry]

I know.

About your parents.

It makes sense.

I mean, the whole actions causing something we don't mean to and stuff and it being kind of my fault but not really.

But that doesn't bring back seven people

ten people

they only put down seven wreaths, but there were three other ones too.

ten people, Hermione.

[alt_harry]

I guess it's easier to write about it than talk about it.

[alt_hermione]

Yes.

Look Harry, I mean

When I said before, it was because Mr Milland said something to me about what he said to you, and he told me that he didn't want it to be

I just mean, I know this is terrible, and I know you know that it's terrible for everybody else too, and I appreciate that about you, I mean it's something that makes you a good person and not horrible. And I don't think Mr Milland wanted to say you were a horrible person, he told me that, because I think he felt bad about making you feel bad, he just didn't want to lie and say that the things we do don't matter because they do.

But that doesn't mean that you're bad.

I wish I could come out of my cubby now that I see this, only I think I'd better not. It's very late and you know how people can be. But I just don't think any less of you, if that matters.

[alt_harry]

He talked to you? About what he said to me?

Be careful with him. I don't like that he's using you to try to get to me like that.

And he told me I should feel bad, so I don't care if he feels bad about what he said.

[alt_hermione]

He isn't using me Harry. It's not like that okay? It wasn't creepy or anything like that, and I would know if it was, I swear.

[alt_harry]

Okay, then.

[alt_harry]

It's okay.

You don't have to come out.

I mean, writing it all down sort of helped anyways.

And you and Raz and Draco. You've helped too. And it does matter. You matter. A lot.

[alt_hermione]

Well that's good anyway.