I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good: Private Message to Hydra and Harry

[alt_hermione]

Hydra?

I was reading in my cubby (but it's difficult because every time anyone walks through the corridor I worry they'll see) and I thought I saw you go by.

Are you all right? Only usually you're revising or off with Justin in the evenings.

I mean, if that was you and not Cressida Bode.

Is.... Is everything okay?

Comments

[alt_hydra]

Not really.

What makes you think something's wrong, though? Only I felt like leaving the library just now. I suppose Justin will ask why I went back early later and I'll have to tell him.

[alt_hermione]

Well, like I said. Usually you don't hide in your dormitories.

But then why did you say you're not really all right?

[alt_hydra]

Because of what I heard in the library. I didn't want to, and I don't know how. I just did.

I was working at a table with my arithmancy group, and I suppose I was fiddling with my quill. I don't know, I wasn't thinking about it much. But then I heard someone say that "Lestrange has -" well, something rude. About how my hands were "busy" with my quill and isn't Finch-Fletchley lucky.

But no one would say that sort of thing in the library. Not out loud where I could hear it.

So either I'm mad and hearing things, or. I'm hearing things.

[alt_hermione]

Do you think maybe you did hear it but it wasn't out loud?

[alt_hydra]

Yes. Because it wasn't as if I heard it with my ears. It was something else.

I can't be a legilimens, I just can't. I don't know what to do.

[alt_hermione]

But, you are. I mean, if you are, then you just are.

And pretending you're not isn't going to make it go away.

Anyways, we need someone who can really tell us if we're occluding right or not. So why is it such a horrible thing?

[alt_hydra]

You already know two people who can help with occlumency. You said you did.

Have you ever had it done to you? Legilimency? If you had you would never ask me to do it to anyone else.

[alt_hermione]

Well, we do, but at least one isn't a natural legilimens, though.

And yes, the person who's teaching me has used the spell kind, to work on it.

It's frustrating when you find yourself thinking thoughts you don't want them to see but it's not like being Cruciated or anything. It doesn't hurt.

But I can only imagine what it would be like to have someone root through your brain who didn't care what they saw. Or who was looking for something incriminating.

She did, didn't she? Your mother. She helped herself to your private thoughts.

I'm sorry.

[alt_hydra]

But it does hurt. I'd rather be cruciated.

And it was more than just helping herself. She

So I can't. Even if I am one, I won't do it. I just won't. If everyone hates me and wants me to leave the lock that's fine. I'll go. But I won't do it.

[alt_hermione]

Hydra, have you...read anything about Legilimency? Natural legilimency?

No one's going to make you leave the lock, anyway.




What did she do to you?

I'm--I'm sorry, you probably don't want to talk about it.

Would you--would it help to talk to Justin?

[alt_hermione]

Or maybe Madam Pomfrey?

[alt_hydra]

I'd rather not talk about it, if you please.

With anyone.

He thinks I'm strong, you know.

I'd rather not that he find out about all those ugly things.

Not because I think it will change the way he feels, but - I'd rather not trouble anyone.

[alt_hermione]

You sound like he did that time he almost died.

But I guess I understand not wanting to talk about it. I really do.