Private Message to Harry Marvolo

[alt_hermione]

Look, you can't avoid me forever, I mean we practically live together, and—

Look, I want you to know that I care an awful lot, alright? I mean, I know that you're sure things are your fault, and I know some people probably think so too, and maybe it's true but if it is it's the kind of your fault that isn't really—because you didn't ask to have the father you have. I mean that sometimes our actions cause something to happen and that's true, but we don't really get to blame ourselves, like me with my parents and everything.

I just mean, you told me that I couldn't blame myself for what happened to my mum and dad, and if that was true, you've got to stop blaming yourself, alright?

Comments

[alt_harry]

sorry.

I just

I didn't know what to say, I guess.

I thought it was just the three people and that was bad enough, but after they started laying all those wreaths down and I knew it was all those other people too

and Charles and Darius. I mean. He killed their dad. Right in front of them.

So yeah.

I tried talking about it with Raz, about what I could do to stop it from happening next time, because we talked and he said what I wrote might've made it worse even, and he was sort of

he didn't know. Not really. I mean, we talked a bit about how he doesn't like it when people beg, but he doesn't like it when people are disrespectful either, and when he's angry, pretty much everyone just waits til its over because if they say anything it makes things worse.

So I shouldn't have said anything I guess. Which is something else I did wrong.

And I guess I didn't say anything to you because I might've made it worse for you by writing what I did and it just seems like whatever I try is just the opposite of what I ought to do so I don't know why I even bother trying at all. and the whole point was to not get you and Draco in trouble any more but I can't even do that.

And I don't want to hurt you.

I don't.

It's the last thing I want to do.

And I still have to do it.

And it makes me sick thinking about it.

And I don't know if you'll get extra punishment because of what happened this weekend, or if Draco will, but that'll be my fault too.

[alt_harry]

and I can't bloody do anything about it because I've just got to sit there and take it or it'll be that much worse.

I can't do anything. I can't ask them to punish me instead, because that's how they punish me, by punishing you, because they know that's worse.

And I can't do what we'd planned with Draco, because I don't want him angry with me like that again.

Draco says he was angry before the task started.

Raz says I didn't do anything wrong.

But I made everything worse. Even though I was trying so hard not to.