Instructions to Ron Weasley

[alt_hermione]

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Ron, you're going to know exactly what they were up to in a few hours or the morning maybe, and I want you to know that you had better keep your mouth shut, no matter what Harry says to you, no matter what happens, or else I'll be in the soup too, do you hear?! 

I mean I really really will, I really will. So SHUT IT. Or else. I know you hate him but honestly, please.

Comments

[alt_ron]

Wait. What's he done now? What's he making you do?

[alt_hermione]

He's not making me do anything! I wanted to help. Only it'll be obvious I did help, see, so you mustn't do anything rash, all right?

[alt_ron]

Hermione! Are you in trouble?

Dyou need help?

[alt_hermione]

I'm fine, Ron, it's just that if they - well, you'll see.

[alt_ron]

What do you mean, I'll see?

[alt_hermione]

I mean this morning you'll hear what they were doing, I'm sure of it, or at least you'll hear part of it.

[alt_ron]

I don't hate him.

Are the two of you in trouble?

[alt_hermione]

Well, we will be if you blab.

It's just wearing off now so we're almost out of the woods but not quite...

[alt_ron]

When have I ever

whatever

[alt_ron]

You can quit having me on, too.

It's not funny.

[alt_hermione]

I am not having you on!! How am I having you on?!

[alt_neville]

Criminy.

Hermione, you're safe for the moment, yeah?

[alt_hermione]

I'm fine, Neville! And I think - well, we'll see tomorrow, but I hope it'll be all right.

[alt_ron]

'Oh, we'll be in such trouble!'

'No, we're not in danger, what are you talking about?'

You're jerking me about, and that's not on.

[alt_neville]

Honestly, Ron, I think Hermione's got bigger problems right now than whether your feelings are hurt.

[alt_gredforge]

You need anything right now, Hermione? Some distraction mayhem, perhaps? We're awfully good at that sort of thing.

[alt_ron]

She's 'fine, Neville'.

Give it a rest, will you?

[alt_neville]

Ron, not now.

Look, Hermione, Ron'll keep his mouth shut, I promise. And if he can't I'll make it out like he's joking.

And if he really can't I'll--I'll hex him for you.

[alt_gredforge]

Oh, we'll help.

[alt_ron]

Oh shut it. Or you can well look out tomorrow! You didn't think I'd forget, did you?

[alt_gredforge]

Hardly. It should be declared a national holiday.

[alt_ron]

Yeah, it should. When you take over the world.

And would you hurry up and do that, please? We could all use a rest from things the way they are, yeah?

[alt_ron]

And what are you on about? When have I ever snitched on anyone? (Except Percy, but that doesn't count. And Ginny, maybe, but that was completely the twins, that was.)

[alt_neville]

That's not what I mean at all, Ron. You're not a snitch, everybody knows that.

It's just that when you get hacked off you sometimes blurt out stuff you shouldn't, without meaning to.

[alt_ron]

When've I ever got anyone in trouble, Neville?

[alt_neville]

Well, to be fair . . . yourself, mostly.

[alt_ron]

You know, Nev, for a bloke who doesn't like people to get cross with him, you're really bollocksing it up tonight.

[alt_neville]

Well, that's better than being a snitch, right? I already said you weren't.

[alt_sally_anne]

What did you do, Hermione? What HAPPENED?

[alt_hermione]

I brewed a potion for Harry and Draco Malfoy, all right? Or I helped Draco do it anyway. And the professors will know they couldn't have done it on they're own, it's really advanced, and nobody else helped them or would have helped them.

So I don't want Ron telling on them, because then they'll know it's me, all right?

[alt_sally_anne]

You brewed a potion Draco couldn't do on his own?

[alt_sally_anne]

Seriously?

[alt_gredforge]

A potion you're not supposed to brew? Breaking the rules to pull off something sneaky? We're hurt that you didn't think to ask us to help.

Aside from the fact that you were helping two Slytherin gits, of course.

[alt_lee]

What did they need the potion brewed for, Hermione?

[alt_sally_anne]

I mean Harry is pretty terrible at Potions.

But Draco's one of the best in our year.

I knew you were clever but

[alt_sally_anne]

If you were a proper student I wouldn't be vying with Padma for top of the class would I?

You'd put us both to shame.

It's not FAIR. I mean

Well

It's really not fair.

[alt_hermione]

D'you think I don't know that?!

[alt_sally_anne]

I mean it's not fair you're not allowed to be a student.

I wouldn't mind if YOU beat me out for top of the class so long as you wiped the floor with Padma Patil as well.

[alt_hermione]

I wouldn't mind wiping the floor with Patil!! What a cow!!

[alt_ron]

Now you're talking sense.

[alt_neville]

I'd like to see that!

[alt_sally_anne]

Yeah.

Hermione let me know if there's ever a book you need alright? I don't know what Harry gets you but I'm pretty decent at finding things in the library.

[alt_neville]

No, it isn't.